


Chips

by Ardwynna



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-20 22:50:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6028411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ardwynna/pseuds/Ardwynna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chaos is the worst kind of roommate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chips

Chaos was remarkable in battle. Both the healing and the combat abilities were much appreciated. If this was what it was to be for the rest of his unnatural days, Vincent supposed it could have been worse. And while the fighting was fresh and the missions were steady, being some sort of hybridized revenant proved more good than bad.

Then came the quiet times. Chaos grew bored. It needed an outlet and it found one.

“What’s that?”

Vincent sighed. “Salt and vinegar potato chips.”

“Po-tay-to… chiiips?”

“Thin slices of root vegetable, deep fried and flavored.”

“Ooh.” Chaos slithered around in his brain. “Let’s get some.”

Vincent pushed his shopping cart along. “I’d really rather not. They’re very salty.”

“But I want to try them,” Chaos howled.

Vincent sighed again and tossed a bag into the cart. If it were up to him it would be all vegetables and lean meat, food meant for fueling, Turk-style. But Chaos had other plans.

“What are those?”

“Barbecue flavor.”

“Barbee-cue?” Chaos directed Vincent’s head to get a better look. “Oh, the grilled meat with the spiced sauce. They make chiiiips with that?”

“Yes.” Vincent didn’t even bother sighing.

“Let’s get them.”

“Fine.” Vincent tossed a bag in and set his sights on the end of the aisle. They were halfway through the chip section. He could only damn himself for wandering in there to begin with.

“What’s that?”

Vincent pretended not to see. “What’s what?” Chaos grabbed the reins and whipped their shared head nearly all the way around. A little boy dropped his lollipop and went crying for his mother.

“Those,” Chaos said. Vincent felt his eyeballs rattle as his ‘guest’ tried to focus them. “More chiiiiips?”

“Sour cream and onion,” Vincent said, ignoring the stinkeye from the young mother at the end of the aisle. He tossed a bag into the cart and directed them both onward.

“Those.” Chaos said. “I want those.”

“You have enough already,” Vincent said. The young woman passed by them with her son in tow, giving a haughty little ‘hmph’ as she went. Her son stared back at them a moment, then tugged on his mother’s jacket to ask for a pack of ranch flavor. Vincent did sigh then. He knew how she felt.

“I want those,” Chaos said. “I want those and those and those.”

Vincent growled. “You can’t eat all of that.”

“Do you doubt me, puny human?”

“I don’t want to eat all those,” Vincent said. “You’re still using my mouth to do these things. And my stomach.”

“But I only want chiiiiiips,” Chaos said. “They are good, yes?”

There was no lying to something living in his brain. Vincent conceded defeat. “Yes, they’re good.”

“Then we are agreed,” Chaos crowed. “More chiiiiiiips!”

Vincent shook his head and made his way past the chips, taking one bag of each flavor as he went. He had never exactly been a religious man, but he still offered silent thanks to the Goddess when they reached the end. He could feel Chaos gloating over its stash of snacks like a dragon assessing its hoard.

Just as Vincent was considering making a break for the cashier, Chaos looked up. “What are those?”

Vincent felt his stomach drop. “Dips.” Chaos squinted their eyes at the label.

“For the chiiiiiiiips?”


End file.
